Lots of things happened theses few weeks, days, hours, seconds that I was off this blog..
things like sending coldness to people..
things like being call a retard..
things like abseiling down ALC..
things like doubting if I really am a suitable one..
and such.. (of course there are more)
But what can I do?
that's my life..

Wanted to tell Marina a lot about me and someone and someone(2)..
but seems like we do not have the time to do so as there seems to be some blockage between me and her.. (her bf).. Like OMG.. sticky..
Cannot believe I am stuck-ed to even the truth..
but no choice right??
I just need time to think and tell her about the someone and someone(2) and the FACT that I am not the someone's someone but is someone(2) is more suitable..
it might sound like a joke or she would even feel it ridiculously funny..
but this is what I totally feel..
not how people around me feel or talk about..
and this is totally different from how others feel..
I don't think that I am suitable or even compatible with this someone here..
but do I have a chance to talk??
Hmm.. consider that as yes.. (somehow)
but that just doesn't comes out of my mouth to her ears..
I hope someday this thing's truth would be out and not be heard again..
I am hurt I think.. I think I am..
but who to blame?? Myself I think..
but no chance for any change now..
I think I have fallen.. and having a big cut now and I think my heart would die off again somehow someday..

Should I trust my intuition or should I trust others or should I just give up about it??

=.sSICK MEITINGg.=